A calm marriage?
Last week I had the opportunity to hear one of my favorite parenting experts, Kirk Martin, “America’s Calm Coach”. All of my family, including my children have listened to his CDs and we were excited for his visit to my older son’s school. What I like about Kirk’s approach is that he helps parents become more aware of their own anxiety and take responsibility for the situation they are facing with their children. While it is easier said than done, especially with your kids(!), it is a crucial skill in any successful relationship.
When I work with couples, I help them tone down all of the anxiety they may be experiencing and create an atmosphere of calm. The dialogue process that couples learn allows themselves to self-regulate, slow down, and feel safe enough to connect. Once we calm down, we no longer live in a storm of reactivity. We make proactive choices that are conscious and intentional. We are able to change because we realize the role our own anxiety plays in our relationship to our spouse. While it is easy to point fingers and blame and wish that our spouse or children would just comply, coercion does not produce effective results. When we get in touch with why we are feeling frustrated, our tension levels decrease and we can better deal with the situation.
We are approaching Rosh Hashana. The word shana, or year, is related to the word shinui, or change. Rosh Hashana is the beginning of changes that we make both in our relationship with G-d and with our fellow humans. In the past I found myself struggling with ways to make meaningful change in my relationships. I personally have found the Imago dialogue process to be a simple yet profound tool that dramatically transformed my own marriage. I have also noticed that when there is peace in the home, many other stressors become insignificant. This Rosh Hashana, make a change that will have the greatest impact. Invest in your relationship and make it the best it can be. While it may be challenging, if you are committed to the journey, there is a proven path that will help you reach your destination.
If you are experiencing stress in your marriage and would like to experience what one client called “the most relaxing time of my week” call Rabbi Slatkin at 443-570-7598 to set up a session or fill in the contact form below.