*FREE* Pre-Engagement Counseling E-course- 5 Things You Need to Know Before You Get Married, Installment #4
In the last installment of our Free Pre-engagement Counseling E-course 5 Things You Need to Know Before You Get Married, you learned about the fear/shame dynamic and it’s potentially devastating effects on your relationship. This installment of the Free Pre-engagement Counseling E-course will discuss the 5th thing you need to know before you get married: positivity.
The Free Pre-engagement Counseling E-course Lesson #5: Positivity
Positivity? That should be easy for a newly married couple! Yet, inevitably couples enter the power struggle and the relationship can become quickly mired in negativity. One of the ultimate goals of your relationship is to transform it into a zone of zero negativity. Ridding negativity from your relationship is essential to create a successful marriage.
Psychologist John Gottman researched the key ingredients for a successful relationship to such an extent that he claims he is able to watch a couple interact for a brief period of time and determine whether their marriage will last. Quite scary! One of the necessary components for a lasting relationship is that there needs to be five positive statements for every one negative one. For most couples this requires a constant effort to find the good in their relationship and share that appreciation with their spouse.
The four critical moments
There are many different activities that can help infuse your relationship with positive energy. Regular appreciations, caring behaviors, and date night are all examples of necessary ingredients to help nurture your marriage. One helpful notion introduced by Gary Brainerd is the “four critical moments”. The four critical moments are the first four minutes both of you are awake, the morning “goodbye”, the first four minutes you are both home in the evening “good night”. By being extra vigilant to be loving and caring at those moments, you can make a big difference for your relationship.
Transition times are hard for many of us. These four critical transitions we experience in our day set the tone for our relationship. Have you ever woken up and just knew it would be a bad day? Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. By starting the day in a loving and caring way, it sets the tone for a loving and caring day. As you leave in the morning and part each other, you take that love with you. When you return home from a stressful day, you dedicate those first moments towards each other and detox from the outside world. Finally, when you go to bed at night, you fall asleep with positive feelings for each other.
While you most likely will not be able to be conscious about your relationship all of the time, if you pay extra care to these four critical moments, you will be building for a successful future together.
Summary of what you learned in Lesson 5 of Our Free Pre-engagement Counseling E-course
• The importance of turning your marriage into a zone of zero negativity
• Research shows that for every one negative interaction, five positive are needed to counteract
• Pay extra attention to being loving during the four critical moments of your day.
I hope you enjoyed Our Free Free Pre-engagement Counseling E-course: 5 Things You Need to Know Before You Get Married. You learned 5 powerful concepts you can use to create an incredible relationship:
1) Realistic Expectations
2) Your Relationship Style
3) The Imago Dialogue
4) The Fear/Shame Dynamic
You can certainly implement this material on your own and achieve tremendous relationship success. If you are not a do-it-yourself type and could use my expertise to help you get moving through this process, click here to contact me or feel free to call 443-570-7598. The small amount of time you invest on learning healthy relational tools now will pay off tremendously in the long run!