Relationship Quiz- Style Assessment

Are you a turtle or a hailstorm?

The following quiz is designed to help you learn more about yourself and how you typically protect yourself when you are under stress. The purpose is to foster a greater awareness so that you can act from a more conscious place. Place a plus or a minus by the behavior that applies to you most often.

Turtles (minimizing)

When I get upset I tend to…

• feel tight inside and do not verbalize my emotions.

• adopt an “I’ll take care of myself/I don’t need anyone” attitude.

• not be able to tell my partner why I’m upset.

• express very few if any needs.

• exclude others from my personal space.

• withhold my feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.

• figure things out by myself.

• feel safer alone or in situations that are not intense.

Hailstorms (maximizing)

When I get upset I tend to…

• express my feelings with a lot of energy.

• turn to others and talk to them about what I am going through.

• tell my partner all about my upset.

• need others around when I am upset and am very open with my feelings.

• express my needs verbally and try to get my partner to hear and to respond.

• feel responsible for making the relationship work and getting my partner to open up and talk.

• be excessively generous.

• get others’ input about what I should be doing to handle the situation.

Now, complete this sentence: “When I get upset, I tend to become like a (Turtle) (Hailstorm) (depending on which got more plus marks in the above chart) to hide my fear of/that…”

Write what fear you think your habitual response is hiding. (The fear may not be apparent.) For example, you could write: “being unimportant,” “that you don’t love me,” “that you will leave me,” “that you will control me,” “that you will smother me,” “that you will reject me.”